Just A Memory
by Live Fast Die Never
Summary: PreHBP HPBZ FemBlaise semiangsty [Then it had seemed like nothing, but now…it was the only memory she had of him, of them, of who he was...before.]
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Yes I know Blaise is boy and all that crap. But lets just say that Blaise was a girl...Use your imagination people! Accutally it's 'cause i got this story all planned out and then HP 6 came out and ruined it for me so, yeah...But hey, we'll all get over it.

A young woman stared out the window her penetrating blue eyes were unusually dark. She sighed shaking her elegant black curls, but continued to stare out the window, her eyes never leaving the tree in the park across the street.

"What have I done?" She mumbled to no one, "What did I do to you?"

She inhaled quietly as silent tears fell down her cheeks.

She stood up and walked into her kitchen; made a nice warm cup of tea and curled up on her couch and watched the photo's spread across the floor

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry to everyone. Perhaps your friends were right; perhaps if you and I had never met…Things would be different."

She drank the rest of her tea in silence, and then made her way to the door. She slipped on her jacket and stepped out into the world.

She walked down the street making many turns, to anyone else it would seem she were lost, but she knew exactly where she was going.

She walked up to a knocked over tree, it was more of a log now, but to her it would always be the magnificent tree it had been only two years ago…before it had happened.

She looked down at the ground, tears threatened to spill out once more.

She sighed, smiling at her name carved on the tree wrapped up in a heart lovingly scratched into the trees bark. Then it had seemed like nothing, but now…it was the only memory she had of him, of them, of who he was...before.

She stood up from her crouching position and whispered. "I'm sorry it turned out this way."

The names seemed to fade as the rain began to fall, but she could still clearly read:

_Blaise Zambini_

_&_

_Harry Potter_


	2. Chapter One

_I, Blaise Zabini, was stuck at Hogwarts. But not just at Hogwarts, I was stuck at Hogwarts for Christmas. I had never stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas._

_I had to be so stubborn sometimes; I told my dad that I decided not to become a death eater. Not that he cared - if I had gone home for Christmas, I'd certainly be one._

_So here I was, stuck in the middle of McGonnagal's stupid snowball war. _

"_Watch out!" Someone cried out from behind me._

_I turned around to ask from what, when it hit me. Yes, literally - A mound of snow fell on my head._

_They came over and pulled me out from the drift of snow._

"_Are you okay?" he asked._

_I looked over at him astonished by his emerald green eyes. "Yes, you're Harry Potter right?"_

_He nodded with a somewhat resentful expression, "Yes I am."_

"_I see," my voice grew cold – I was Slytherin and this was Dumbledore's golden boy, "goodbye Potter."_

_He grabbed my arm as a stood up, "What is your name?"_

_I didn't know what to do. Should I answer? Should I tell Wonder boy who I am? Would it really matter if I did? Then again he didn't have a right to know, "None of your business" the words flew out of my mouth before I had time to think._

_He released me immediately sensing the hostility, "goodbye."_

_I blinked. Why was he being so nice? He shouldn't be nice; he should insult me or something. But he wasn't. For some strange reason I didn't want to go anymore, he was just sitting there._

_Despite what Draco said, about how he was a stuck up prat who needed to learn a lesson, I didn't see that in Harry Potter._

"_Blaise Zabini" I said as I sat down next to him my legs seemed to move almost naturally towards him._

_He smiled at me, it was strange, it wasn't like the goofy grins all the Gryffindors walk around with, this was different, and I don't know how to describe it - but it gave me a warm feeling._

"_Why aren't you with your friends?"_

"_They're on holiday" a sigh escaped his lips – they were nice lips, rather blue from the cold at the time but I remember observing how firm they looked._

"_Left you here for Christmas?"_

_He nodded "But, that's okay, they have family."_

_I sighed, not many people had stayed for holidays seeing as since it was the middle of the war families wanted to see each other as much as possible._

"_Well, I've got to go" I told him, he just smiled at me again with those firm blue lips._

"_I'll see you later Blaise Zabini," he laughed then stood up and walked away._

_I blinked, what had just happened? Why did I just talk to Golden Boy? And why did he talk to me?_


	3. Chapter Two

_I sat down at the table, my body ached, and I hadn't gotten out of bed all day. It was Christmas Day and I had stayed in bed until 3 pm – father would have never let me get away with that sort of thing at home, it made me feel kind of free and light._

_So now I was at the Christmas feast, and he sat down next to me. That's right Potter sat down next to me._

"_How are you?" He asked politely._

_I started to grab food, "Fine, and you?"_

"_Fine" he muttered as if not completely certain of it. _

_I began to eat; I could tell this was going to be a long night already. It was obvious Potter wanted to ask me something, but what could it be?_

"_Is there something you wanted to ask me?" I asked after awhile, I was dying to know. It's that feeling you get that someone's going to ask you something and then they never do. I hate that feeling – actually I guess I just hate uncertainty; someone like me needs stability in their lives and Potter wasn't giving me that._

"_Why didn't you leave yesterday?"_

_I blinked "What?"_

"_Yesterday in the snowball fight, why didn't you leave?"_

_I looked down, to be truthful I had experienced a strange new feeling, I didn't know what to call it. He gave me a nice feeling, like someone did like me. Sure I had friends, but when you're in Slytherin, your friends are your worst most dangerous enemies. Infact in Slytherin everyone is an enemy. It's an every man for themselves kind of thing. But Potter, he didn't give me that feeling, he gave me the feeling that maybe one person out there, just one, Could be a true friend, one who would be loyal and stick by you no matter what. But would I tell him that? Would I tell him that he made me feel good, he made feel like I wasn't so alone? _

"_I saw something in you, I've never seen before," I answered in a cool unemotional tone – just like mother taught me too. Except that it was truthful - because I didn't want to lie but sure as hell couldn't tell the whole truth.  
_

_Potter looked at me confused; he obviously didn't understand what I was talking about, "What did you see?" _

_I looked away from Potters clear green eyes and firm lips that I had noted were no longer blue, "Never mind."_

_I could feel those very eyes on me the entire meal, it was almost discomforting, **almost.**_

_So there we were a Gryffindor and Slytherin eating together, and occasionally talking. I could tell that the others who had stayed for holidays were confused. I didn't blame them._

_It was strange, Gryffindor's and Slytherin's are sworn enemies, but should we be? When you think about all the anger and rage; in the end only tears us apart. Or maybe I'm just saying that to defend myself, seeing as here I was, willingly, talking to a Gryffindor. Oh, but not **any** Gryffindor, Harry Potter. _

_So we talked and ate and smiled. Acted like great chums. Were we friends? I pondered with no slight confusion; was that what **real** friends act like together?_

_We finished eating and exited the great hall together; I could feel all eyes on us as we left. It was strange to have everyone watching me; nobody ever paid any attention to me._

"_Blaise," Harry began "Would you please tell me what you saw in me that made you come back?"_

_We stopped in front of the entrance to the dungeons. I was still unsure of what he would think of my answer, but what's life without taking a few chances?_

"_A friend."_


	4. Chapter Three

Okay, Thanks for the reviews first, and just to answer some questions/comments: I know it's going a little fast and the chapters are short, but that's how it's supposed to be. These are little flashes of Blaise's memories with Harry which is why they are in Italic's they aren't nessisarily one after another ever day with Blaise, just little flashes of her memories getting you to the point she's at right now. Sorry if it's a little confusing...

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__Harry grinned over at me as we snuck back into the school; we had gone to Hogsmede, in the middle of the night!_

_It had to be on the top ten list of things I never expected to be doing. I mean, sneaking to hogsmede with Harry Potter in the middle of the night under his invisibility cloak – me Blaise Zabini!_

_I could hardly believe what was happening. Not an I-can-hardly-believe-this-is-happening-I-dreamed-of-this-everyday way, it was just really weird._

_So that was it, I had snuck out with Harry for our last day of open friendship. Tomorrow was the end of Christmas holidays, and tomorrow Draco and Pansy would be coming back. I needed to tell him that we couldn't hang out anymore, not like this anyways._

"_Harry," I began._

_He turned to me, a big mischievous grin plastered on his face; the way his eyes sparkled with freedom and adventure made me think of the stories I'd heard about his father._

_It was almost painful to say that we couldn't be friends, but I had to._

"_You know that after today…" I trailed off as the words stuck in my throat._

"_You don't want people to know that we ever talked."_

_I blinked, it was true. He said it so bluntly, and as much as I wanted to say 'no, I just think that we should talk away from everyone else' what he said was exactly the same, just not as nice. I just looked down._

"_Sorry," I mumbled._

_Harry face lit up once again with an unexpected (on my part) smile, "I understand, I knew this was going to happen."_

_I sighed, that didn't help, "I still want to be your friend."_

_He nodded "We can talk when no one else is near by – it'll be a secret."_

_I smiled; his complete understanding was comforting, "So let's make the best of this last night" I said with a laugh._

_Harry nodded "Yeah let's make the best of it," he looked away suddenly - as if he were a very shy boy._

_I blinked, he was being weird. I'd never seen him like this - it was strange "Let's go to the room of requirement," I said and we headed off up the stairs._

_I stood in front of the wall and thought 'A comfy place for two friends to talk and eat' the door appeared in front of us and I walked in Harry following me quietly for the first time since we'd first spoken._

_I sighed and collapsed in one of the giant bean bag chairs, "Is something wrong?" I asked after he didn't sit down._

_He looked at me. "No, I'm…fine."_

_I stood up next to him, "Fine?"_

"_I just…"_

"_Just what?"_

_Our faces were inches apart and suddenly I felt a tug at me to lean forward and kiss him, but I couldn't. That's when it happened - He kissed me._

_I could almost hear bells; a cold wind seemed to go over me causing me to shiver. I pulled away and I ran._


	5. Chapter Four

Well, Thanks for the reviews (Yay you!) And to answer a question: The Story will not end there will, hopefully, be a couple of chapters of the present. I'm also hoping they will be longer than the memories. Thanks for asking! Also, it may be a little bit before I update, my Beta hasn't given me the next few chapters back...

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_It had been one week since Harry kissed me, one week that I hadn't talked to, or even looked at, him. I missed him; he gave me a free type of pure joy that I never got other wise. Being with him gave me rush of excitement and being near him was like being in heaven – a mischievous rule breaking heaven; but heaven none-the-less._

_I shouldn't have ran._

"_Don't you agree?" Draco asked me._

"_Uh huh" I answered without knowing what I was agreeing to._

_Draco growled under his breath "Did you hear a word I said!"_

"_No," I answered "I wasn't aware I had to bend for your every whim."_

_I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears, that was it I'd pushed a Malfoy over his limit; nice going, I told myself._

"_Bye" I said quickly I bolted away before the easily angered boy could say more.  
_

_I ran up the grand staircase and made my way to the room of requirement, I'd been going there lately._

"_Blaise…" It was him; a cold yet pleasant shiver ran down my spine._

"_I don't have time for this Potter," I hissed at him._

_He stood in front of me "I need to talk to you." _

"_No - You don't," I answered coldly; I tried to make my way past him, then he said it:_

"_It's about the kiss."_

_For some reason I needed to know what he was going to say, "Fine." _

_We found the closest empty classroom and entered it._

_Those piercing eyes studied me for a moment; completely devoid of the adventure I usually associated with them, "I'm sorry."_

_I was shocked, he was sorry._

"_I shouldn't have kissed you, it was wrong. Somewhere I knew you didn't want me to or think of me in that way, I'm just really sorry, and if you want you can go back to calling me names with Malfoy, but…" He trailed off._

"_You still want to be friends?" I breathed unable to hold in any longer._

_He nodded._

_I shook my head "I don't want to be friends."_

_Harry's face twisted momentarily then the words hissed out from between his teeth, "I understand."_

_I smiled "I don't think you do."_

"_No I do" he said in that same hiss of disappointment and anger; though I couldn't figure out whom at, him or me - "It's too hard, I messed up so badly…"_

_He trailed allowing the hiss of anger to die away – he was angry at himself, I should have been amazed that he wasn't angry at me; but all I could think about his how badly I wanted to kiss those firm lips and his words just faded away into nothing._

_So I did it - I kissed him. For a moment he didn't move, maybe it was shock or something else, but then he kissed me back and I heard the bells all over again; except this time I accepted them._


	6. Chapter Five

_We were a couple – I could hardly believe it, Harry Potter and me!_

_I was going to meet him, that's when I ran into none other than Draco Malfoy._

"_Look Draco, I've really got to go" I told him in a blunt tone of voice._

"_Where?" Draco did not look the least bit surprised or threatened at my icy tone, far from – he was using an aristocratic drawl, the way he often did when bored and looking for an amusement of some sort. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't about to leave it well alone and bug off. _

"_Detention" I answered coolly and then proceeded to walk calm as I could, out of the common room. I ran up the stairs and through the corridors, that had to have been at least the 20th time I had to blow off Draco for detention, he was going to suspect something soon. After meeting up with Harry that was exactly what I told him – we were going to have problems soon._

"_I've had to blow of Ron and Hermione too; they just won't leave me alone. I told them I had detention and Hermione asked what teacher gave it to me," Harry looked mildly annoyed – at times he very much reminded me of a Slytherin, facing issues and planning ahead of time – whenever I would mention it though he'd frown and roll his eyes, he would explain that the type of experience he had would do that to a person._

_We sat on a big comfy couch in the room of requirement – we had decided a while ago that it was safest to meet here. Despite my worries I couldn't help but smile as he wrapped his arms around me._

"_We need to find some way to make this work…"_

_Harry grinned – it was a mischievous prankster type of grin, almost a smirk. "I'll meet you outside the Slytherin common room tonight; they'll be asleep no one will suspect a thing."_

"_Yeah, but what about Filch?" I smiled, sad and yet amused at the same time that there was a glitch in the young mans plan._

_He grinned again and I laughed realizing my own stupidity – the solution was his Invisibility Cloak._

_Harry stroked my hair softly, his green eyes growing warm "Did you know that you are the most beautiful person in the world?"_

_I smiled he was always so sweet to me. "You're not half bad yourself."_

_A laugh and then "Thanks, appreciate that!"_

_I sat up and faced him, "Do you think we can make it work?"_

_He smiled and sat up next to me, "I know we can." _

_He leaned in pressing his lips to mine and slowly kissed me. I loved it when he kissed me like that, it was slow and beautiful, everytime he kissed me like that I felt that he loved me, and that made me feel like everything was finally perfect and safe._

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**Sorry the Update so long, I have the 4 chapters finished so they'll be up here soon. After that the wait might be a bit longer because I will be finishing the final 8 chapters. R&R**


	7. Chapter Six

_Graduation. It's funny how that one word could cause so much fear and so much hope at the same time. I was sat on the chairs behind the podium. Harry stood ready at it - prepared to give his speech._

_I'd always wondered what my graduation day would be like, but I never imagined this - I never imagined that my boyfriend, Harry Potter, would be standing at the podium in front of me._

_I also tried imagined what I would say if I was up there, would I talk about how I loved the school and how I'd miss everyone and everything or would I say something else?_

"_I'm Harry Potter" he began his speech with a smile and I listened intently, "I was head boy this year and I must say, I wasn't a very good one."_

_Some people from the audience laughed._

"_I guess I never thought I'd get the position, so when I did, I didn't take it very seriously. I guess I should start with first year, for me it was a whole new world, after all, it was my first time in the magical world, like many of the people who now sit behind me, I was in awe."_

_I smiled, it was a perfect – I knew he was going to do great._

"_Second year was an entirely different story, I knew the world I was going to and I understood most of it. I could hardly be surprised by anything and then, I was surprised. The Chamber of Secrets was opened and that was an entirely different story then many of us were used to, despite this being a magical world, and most things being possible. The Chamber was a myth even in this world."_

_I couldn't believe it; Harry was really good at this._

"_Third year I almost didn't expect a surprise, but then there were Dementors, an escaped prisoner, and Hogsmeade. And that was that, from that point on I expected to be surprised each year. Although, what came in fourth year is something I never thought I'd ever see. I saw a fellow student, and a friend, die."_

_Harry looked down, "Cedric Diggory should have graduated at least 2 years ago, but he was killed by Voldemort before he could."_

"_In my fifth year I saw a man very close to me die… And then in sixth, Albus Dumbledore."_

_I could see tears in Harry's eyes, but he smiled anyway._

"_But this year, I got a break," Harry grinned "And after all of the years I expected someone else to die, but no one did." He looked at me briefly, and then turned back to the audience, "This year I fell in love with Blaise Zabini."_

_I certainly had never imagined this. _


	8. Chapter Seven

_I was in complete shock as I stared at him, I could hardly hear Draco and Pansy asking what he was talking about, and I could barely notice the stares I was getting from everyone, all I could do was stare at him with my mouth open in shock._

"_This group of people have been through so much that I know nothing can stop them from making it in the world – Thank you"_

_Professor McGonagall said some words, then they let us go, let us leave Hogwarts for the last time. But I didn't move an inch._

"_Blaise?" Harry said as he walked up to me._

_I looked up at him._

"_I'm sorry I told everyone our secret, but I couldn't do it anymore," He sat down next to me. "I couldn't hide us anymore - I needed to say it."_

"_You love me?" I croaked out._

_He nodded "I love you – more than anything else in the world."_

_Tears were in my eyes now, "You told everyone" I whispered to myself, to the air, and almost to Harry._

"_Yes, and I'm sorry," he seemed almost reluctant._

_I turned to him, "I Can't believe you said that."_

_He grabbed my hand. "It doesn't matter Blaise, none of them will say anything, we're leaving tonight. We never have to come back if you don't want to."_

"_You told them all."_

"_I'm sorry."_

_I couldn't breath._

"_Blaise?" Harry was worried…his green eyes frozen to me, searching for a flaw in his plan._

_I smiled tears in my eyes, "You love me" I announced it this time - proud._

_Harry blinked not understanding as I wrapped my arms around him, "Kiss me." _

_He kissed me like he loved me, he kissed me slowly and sweetly. That was when I knew what I had to tell him._

"_Harry," I muttered through the warmth of love._

_He pulled back and watched me concern once more filling his eyes. _

_I grinned suddenly, "I love you."_

_He picked me up and spun me around with a magical kiss._

_We loved each other, and that was all that mattered. _


	9. Chapter Eight

_I understood why he wanted to live here, but… It was kind of creepy. I didn't tell that to him of course – After all it was his parent's house._

_Yes - we moved into Godric's Hallow together. It's was hard to think of what it will be like, living with Harry. I squeezed his hand as we walked up the front path, I suppose it had it's own beauty, although it only barely visible to me._

"_This it," Harry whispered happily "they lived here."_

_I smiled as he touched the building; he seemed mesmerized as he wandered around the front lawn taking in absolutely everything._

"_Come on," I spoke to him softly "We should get inside and unpack."_

_He nodded "Right," He rushed to the door unlocked it and stepped into the rebuilt house._

_It may have been creepy on the outside, but the inside was beautiful. The floor was mahogany wood and the stairs spiraled up to the second floor, a chandelier hung above my head it's crystals lightly dangling from it. I could see the kitchen from where I stood, it had beautifully laid tiles it looked perfect._

_Everything looked perfect, and I had fallen in love with it already._

_Harry whipped a small bag out of his pocket and took out two shrunken couches. Once he'd unshrunk them we found that they fit perfectly._

_I unpacked the upstairs and Harry did the downstairs. It was stressful, our first day living together and I could barely make it._

"_Harry," I yelled down the stairs "Do we have any blankets?"_

_Harry rushed up the stairs "Sorry, what was that?"_

"_Do we have any blankets?"_

_Harry's eyes widened. We had forgotten sheets._

"_Are any stores open?" I asked him urgently._

_He shook his head "No, they all closed an hour ago."_

"_What time is it?"_

"_1:00am." He answered biting one lip – he was upset, a flaw in the plan I knew._

_We were in for it._

_Two hours later everything was unpacked - We'd forgotten to get three key things for our house. _

_Sheets, Pots and Pans, and most important of all - food._

_After only eight hours of living here we'd already messed up._

_I leaned against him, "Can we do this?" I asked unsure of it myself._

_Harry placed one of his arms around my waist, "Yes."_

_I believed him._

"_Let's go for a walk." Harry said and stood up pulling me up with him._


	10. Chapter Nine

_We walked down the empty streets the dim street lights shone over us._

"_Where are we going?" I asked him._

_He had that grin again and excitement leapt through me._

"_Nowhere" He answered smugly. _

_After a moment he grabbed my hand and started running. I ran with him._

_We ran and ran with no one to see or judge us. It seemed like forever that we ran, we turned corners and ran across streets._

_It was pure bliss. Harry and I were just having fun, and I loved it every single pure moment of joy. I felt free - more alive than ever._

_We dashed into a park just as it began to rain._

_Harry pulled me into him and he kissed me. The perfect craziness of the day surprised me._

"_I love you," Harry whispered to me._

_I grinned as the rain pounded down on us "I love you too."_

_Everytime I told him that, his face seemed to light up and he looked like the happiest man in the world. He rushed over to the tree and began doing something to the magnificent oak. _

"_What are you doing?" I asked as I rushed over, a bit of a laugh in my voice as I did so._

_He turned to me a grin on his face as he kissed me again, "Wait." He turned back to the tree quickly finishing up._

_After a moment or two he backed away. He had carved our names in a heart._

_I smiled at him, "You're so happy."_

_That grin had not left his face since we'd left the house._

_He pulled me into another kiss quickly then just as quickly pulled away, "I love you." _

_I sat down next to him, both of us were soaking wet._

"_I feel so alive, I guess it has something to do with moving into my parents home, living with you, well, being with you in general."_

_I grinned as he spoke._

"_And I guess just everything right now seems so perfect," as Harry finished he smiled again._

_I laughed "It's not going to be so perfect tomorrow when we both have colds."_

_Harry laughed to, "Maybe."_

_He kissed me lightly once again, "I love you, have I told you that?"_

"_Three times in the last few minutes," I answered smiling again._

_Harry grinned and kissed me again, "Good."_

"_We're going to make it." I said._

_Harry smiled "Yes, we are."_


	11. Chapter Ten

Sorry the update took so long, but my Beta is being lazy and I eventually figured that I would just perfect it myself. If there are any errors, that's why. Anyways, I would have also posted this chapter earlier except that I couldn't upload stories for the longest time, oh well. I guess that's what you get…

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_I groaned as I rolled over in bed. It was morning, but not just any morning. A dreadfully, dreadful morning. Today Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley would be visiting Harry and myself. _

_When I first met them they were very reluctant. Granger was trying to be nice and shook my hand politely, although you could tell she disapproved of me in every aspect. I almost preferred Weasley's straight out glare and nasty remarks, at least he wasn't lying._

"_Good Morning." Harry said as he walked into the room, he had just gotten out of the shower and was soaking wet, but his hair still found some way to stick up all over the place._

_I smiled at him. "Morning." I sat up and rubbed my eyes. "When are your friends coming over?"_

"_A couple of hours." He answered "Oh, I hope you don't mind but I also invited a couple more people over."_

_I nodded "Who would that be?"_

"_Professor Lupin and Tonks." He answered me_

_I sighed "Well, I guess that's okay. Maybe they won't treat me like trash." I stood up and walked into the bathroom._

"_Blaise…"_

"_Harry…" I mocked him, then rolled my eyes as I began to brush my teeth. "Look, your friends don't like me."_

_He sighed and began to get dressed. "Hermione is ni"-_

"_She thinks that you deserve better." I told him. "She may seem like she thinks I'm fine and such, but it's all pretend and it really gets on my nerves."_

"_You could always invite some of your friends."_

_I raised an eyebrow, "Harry, in Slytherin we didn't exactly bond as friends. We were more of people who hung out together, like acquaintances."_

_Harry walked into the bathroom now full dressed and drying his hair with a towel. "Once Ron and Hermione get to know you better it won't be as bad."_

_I nodded and grabbed a towel. "I really hope so."_

_Once I finished getting ready for the morning Harry and I had a nice breakfast and tidied up a bit before the guest arrived. And soon, the guests did indeed arrive._

_Granger and Weasley were first to arrive, much to my disappointment._

"_Harry!" Granger greeted him and gave him a friendly hug. "The house looks wonderful."_

"_How's it going Harry?" Weasley asked with a smile "Looks like its going okay."_

_Harry nodded. "It is."_

_Granger smiled falsely at me "It's wonderful to see you Blaise." She gave me a hug quickly. "I brought some flowers is their a vase I could put them in?"_

_I nodded. "Yes, I'll go get it."_

_Weasley looked at me and nodded coldly. "Blaise."_

"_Nice to see you again." I told him with false sweetness that could have been interpreted as a need to ripe his head off._

"_The vase?" Granger said politely trying to end any conversation that might happen between Weasley and myself. I nodded and walked into the kitchen grabbing a vase and handing it to Granger._

"_Thank-you." Granger said._

_I smiled "No, thank-you for the flowers. They're really very beautiful." It was truthful, it was very nice of her to bring flowers and they did look beautiful._

_Granger smiled at me, and it wasn't her little false smiles either… or maybe I just couldn't tell that it really was. Either way, I felt like Granger wasn't going to think I was so bad in the long run. We walked into the living room where Harry and Weasley were talking about quidditch. Granger and I sat and listened. I had never been one to play quidditch, it seemed like mostly a waste of time to me. Of course, whenever I told Harry that he would grin and tell me I wouldn't say that if I'd tried playing it._

_Soon enough Professor Lupin and "Tonks" arrived. We all came to the front hall and greeted them._

_Professor Lupin smiled at me. "Blaise, it's wonderful to see you again. It's been quite a while hasn't it."_

_I smiled. I'd always secretly thought that Lupin was the best DADA teacher we had ever had. I had learned a lot from him. "Not since you taught me in third year."_

"_Yes," He answered. "You were quite a brilliant student."_

_I had a feeling that I wouldn't be treated poorly by Professor Lupin, but "Tonks" I wasn't so sure about._

"_Hello!" She greeted me after saying 'Wotcher Harry' She shook me hand almost bouncily. "I'm Nymphadora Tonks. But, you are to call me Tonks."_

_I smiled and held back a laugh, the woman seemed almost ecstatic. "A pleasure to meet you. I'm Blaise Zabini."_

_Tonks grinned. "I've heard a lot about you from Harry here. I also seem to recall his graduation where he confessed his love for you."_

_I smiled and saw Harry's cheeks gain a small pink tinge. "I remember that day too. It was, quite a big day."_

"_I imagine so." Tonks said. "So, where would the food be?"_

"_In the kitchen." Harry told her._

"_Do you mind if I raid your fridge?" Tonks asked us, I shook my head in response and she whisked herself into the kitchen._

_They rest of the visit went by fairly smoothly; I even had a civil but brief conversation with Weasley. Perhaps, Harry's friends weren't as bad as I had previously thought._


	12. Chapter Eleven

_Maybe it was nothing, Maybe it was something, but I knew that Harry had been acting strangely. Not just to me, but to everyone. He was becoming much more distant. __For the past few months I was beginning noticing how he was ignoring his friends letters and dicussed things with the Order of Phoenix less and less. I began to wonder what was going on, I began to wonder if he was okay… or if something had happened. __Sometimes I tried to ask him, but every time I failed miserably. So here I was, ready to give it another shot ready to ask him what was going on._

"_Harry… Are you sure you're okay?" I asked._

_He turned to me a completely calm look on his face, it reminded me of Draco. He looked calm a collected yet it still gave the feel that he was cold and distant. "Of course." He answered just as calmly as his face seemed._

_I sighed; this was going to be harder than I thought. "Harry, something has to be bothering you. Why else would you be acting this way?"_

_He smiled. "Nothing's wrong Blaise."_

_I rolled my eyes at his annoyingly calm exterior. "Harry, please, don't do this anymore. Just tell me what's going on."_

"_Nothing's wrong." He repeated a little forcefully._

"_Are you to stressed is that it?" I asked "Are you worried because of Voldemort?"_

_When he did not answer I smiled believing that I understood his problem. "You don't have to worry." I placed on hand on his cheek. "Nothing will go wrong. We're ready for him."_

_He smiled and kissed me. "Thanks." I could still see that something was bothering him, but I assumed it to be nothing and hugged him. Then his eyes widened when he looked at the clock._

"_What is it?" I asked backing away from him._

"_Nothing." He answered with a small smile. "I just remembered that I promised that I would go see Ron and Hermione."_

_I smiled, it seemed that maybe his strange faze was over. I kissed him. "Have fun."_

_He smiled weakly and appartated away. I had finally got to him, his strange faze would be over, I smiled, life was going to get back to normal. But just as soon as I had thought it would be better it got worse. Later the day when I was tidying up the study I found a few of Harry's books… but not books I would usually find. He had a book explaining First year Transfiguration… he didn't need it though, Transfiguration had never been anything he'd been wonderful at, never mind loving the subject… besides he had no need for a book about the first year of it. He also had Hogwarts; A History… I knew he had no interest in the history of Hogwarts… and the last book he had was Quidditch through the Ages… he already had that, and it was nothing like this one. His Quidditch through the Ages was beat up and torn… this one looked brand new. _

"_Harry… what have you been doing?" I mumbled as I opened Hogwarts: A History and began flipping through the pages, something wasn't right here. I noticed one of the pages, it wasn't from Hogwarts: A History. The page described dark spells and masters of these spells. My eyes widened in horror. Could it be that these were hardly innocent books that a first year would read… could it be that these were books filled with pages of dark spells and their users?  
_

_No, I was sure that Harry hadn't done that… he wouldn't. Not my Harry, but I couldn't help but wonder what that page truly was, why he had it?_

_My curiosity got the best of me; I need to know what this book was truly hiding. I taped my wand on it and said. "Reveal your secrets." This seemed to work as the pages began to morph into different pages, pages of a different book… the pages of a dark arts book._

_I stared unable to believe what I was seeing. Had Harry been using dark arts? Had he been studying it… no, not Harry. I turned my gaze to the other books, were all of them dark arts books? __I sighed, whatever he was doing it wasn't right… but it was defiantly for a good cause. Voldemort had to be defeated, and Harry was studying this to defeat him. It may not be the best method, but I was sure that was it. I flipped through the pages again and to my surprise I found a note. I picked it up and read it._

St. Martin's Church, Canterbury

Thursday 18 11:30pm

_The written was neat and on crisp clean paper, very expensive I guessed. I stared at the paper for a long while, the writing was familiar… very familiar. I blinked, this was Lucius Malfoy's writing, I recognized it from the many letters he had written to my father. I blinked once more, why was Lucius sending Harry this, and what was happening at St. Martin's Church on the 18? I sighed, there were so many question I needed answered and so few answers to give. _

_The 18th was today I realized as I looked to the calendar, Harry would be at St. Martin's church, and I needed to know what was happening._

_I put down the book and grabbed my jacket before disapparting to Canterbury. I had visited there a couple of times with my parents to see my great-grandmother, who was very ill and had been in St. Mungo's a couple of times. I shook the short memory from my mind, right now I needed to know what was going on with Harry. Why was he coming here in only an hour? Why did he have a note from Lucius Malfoy? And most of all, what was he hiding from me?_

_I hid myself nearby St. Martin's church hoping that Harry wouldn't see me when he came, I needed him to think I wasn't here and to do whatever he was supposed to do._

_Finally it was 11:30, and people started arriving, but not just any people, Death Eaters began arriving… and soon Voldemort himself, I was watching a Death Eater meeting. One that included Harry. __I watched the meeting go by, one of the Death Eaters was watching the bush I was hiding behind, I prayed that it wasn't Harry. Only moments after the meeting began a muggle came across the meeting, they were immediately brought to the middle of the circle._

"_Look at what we have here." Voldemort spoke his voice scarily calm. "A little muggle has stumbled across us. Mr. Potter, you will have the honors tonight."_

_I widened my eyes, no. There was no way that Harry would ever do that… was there? One of the Death Eaters, the one who had been watching the bush I hid behind, stepped forward and raised their wand, it was Harry. He had seen me, I knew it. Before he cast and spell he turned to the bushes and saw me staring so obviously at him. He then turned to the young muggle girl, and killed her._

_I stifled a cry trying to escape my lips and apparted to Godric's Hollow immediately. I let out a large sob as soon as I knew that I was home. Harry had joined him. Why I didn't know, and presently I hardly cared… but it was so hard to know that he had joined, and that he had murder an innocent girl… not only that though, but I had watched._

_I sunk to the ground sobbing so hard that if I had continued to stand I would have fallen over. This was awful. This was the worst day of my entire life._


	13. Chapter Twelve

_When he came back I hadn't moved, not a muscle. I was still sobbing in the middle of the floor, I was still thinking of how he had so easily murdered that young girl. When he saw me he immediately came over and stared into my eyes, he didn't want me to hurt and I knew it._

"_Get away from me." I hissed at him._

_He looked down, I could see the pain in his eyes. "Blaise…" he said quietly as if trying to think of an excuse for his actions._

_I glared at him, I hated him for doing this! Not only was he hurting innocent people, but he was hurting me. "You!" I spat "I. Hate. You." I told him clearly. "I hate you!" I stood up, I couldn't stand seeing the pain on his face anymore, it almost made me want to forgive him._

"_You don't understand"- He began softly before I cut him off sharply._

"_Understand!" I screeched at him "What's so bloody complicated! You murdered an innocent girl after joining Voldemort! You're supposed to kill him!" I balled my hands into fists, I could feel more tears welling in my eyes from the amount of anger I had._

_He looked down, trying to think of something to say… anything to say. I could see that he wanted to have an explanation, but had none for me._

"_What are you going to say to get out of this one?" I asked him coldly. "How are you going to lie yourself out of this."_

_He looked down. "I didn't want to lie to you."_

"_Then why did you?"_

_He glared at me. "You want to know why?" He spat. "Because I knew you would never understand, you would never get it."_

"_Then why did you do it?" I asked softly. He didn't seem to have an answer to that._

"_Anything I tell you won't be good enough."_

"_Your damn right it won't!" I yelled. "There is no good reason for joining him! For killing that girl! Tell me, is she the first innocent you've murdered or are there another hundred dead people because you killed them!"_

"_No, she wasn't the first person I've killed." He told me angrily. "I've killed many more than just her. Why do you think I was able to murder her with such ease?"_

"_That's disgusting." I announced furiously as tears rolling down my cheeks. "You're disgusting!"_

_Harry glared at me. "Yes, that's it, I'm evil! Any reason behind me joining Voldemort has nothing to do with it."_

"_It doesn't matter why." I told him angrily, rage filling my every word. "I don't care why! You killed her! You've killed more than her! And soon you'll be killing of your friends and… me."_

_As soon as I spoke the words their was a flash in his eyes. "I would _never _hurt you."_

"_What a load of crap!" I bellowed, annoyed with him beyond words. "You're hurting me now! You've been hurting me for months by lying to me!"_

"_I never meant to hurt you." He whispered calming slightly at the notion of hurting me, but I wouldn't calm._

"_Meaning to do something and actually doing it are two different things!" I told him coldly._

_He looked down. "Please, Blaise, can we just… stop?"_

"_No!" I shrieked. "We can't 'just stop' you are doing things you know you shouldn't, you are hurting people who have never done anything and you are trying to make pathetic excuse for it. We can't 'just stop' until you realize what you're doing and 'just stop' that!"_

"_Damn it, Blaise!" He growled "I don't need to hear this from you, if all you're going to do is screech at me about my behavior then you should get out!"_

_I stared at him hurt evident in my eyes, he opened his mouth trying to get words out that would never come regretting each word he'd just spoken._

"_Fine."_


	14. Chapter Thirteen

_I threw my clothing into the suitcase, I didn't care if It was messy or not, I didn't care if I had a huge mess in there, I just wanted out of here. __He stood in the doorway speechless. But it didn't matter, nothing he said could change my mind now, I was leaving._

"_You don't have anywhere to go." He told me._

_I continued throwing things into the suitcase, speaking coldly to him. "I'll find some place."_

_He was silent for a few moments, but I knew he wouldn't stay quiet. _"_I don't want you to go."_

"_I don't care." I answered quickly in the same cool tone._

_He sighed. "I can't let you leave Blaise, there's no one out there for you, no one's going to help you."_

"_I'll manage." I told him continuing to use the cold voice I'd used twice before. He was becoming more desperate, trying to think up excuses of why I shouldn't leave, why it would be better if I stayed with him._

_I wanted to stay, I wanted him to hold me and tell me it was okay, and that everything was fine. But it wasn't. It never would be. If I stayed it wouldn't be okay, it would never be okay. And there was nothing in the world to make it better. Harry was a death eater._

_I shut the suitcase and looked at Harry, he still stood in the doorway trying to think of another reason, but before he could I spoke. "I'm leaving."_

"_You don't mean that." He told me. __I didn't answer him, but tried to walk past him and out of the rooms door. He grabbed my arm and held it tightly. _"_I can't let you go."_

_I stared at his forever entrancing green eyes, I would never forget them… I would never forget him. "You have to." I answered sadly._

_Instead of accepting this answer he kissed me, and I almost decided not to leave. He kissed me the way he used to, back when we were in Hogwarts. I thought for a moment that I would hear bells like I had the first time he kissed me, but I didn't hear anything._

_I pulled away from him. "I'm leaving" I repeated to him and then I walked to the front door, every step seeming to take an eternity, the entire time I could feel him watching me walk away. I opened the door and stopped for a second, I was reluctant to walk out._

_I closed my eyes trying to hold back tears and stepped out. As I walked away I could hear a smash from the house, Harry was angry. I quickened my pace and walked to the tree he had engraved our initials into. I sunk to the ground by the tree and began to sob._

_I loved him, I loved him so much. But nothing in the world would make me come back to him now._


	15. Chapter Fourteen

Every memory Blaise knew off by heart, she remembered them like it were yesterday. Every time she spread out the picture's she remembered even more about them. And it killed her to know, that that was it. Harry had loved her, held her, was her whole world… and then he forced her away into nothing. And it hurt her, it hurt her like nothing else had.

Harry was now a top death eater, Voldemort's right hand man. He had done so many terrible things, cast so many terrible spells, that there was no coming back. He was gone. Blaise still loved him though, she loved him with all of her heart. It didn't make any sense, but everything was so messed up that not very many things did these days.

When everyone else found out that Harry had joined Voldemort, Ron had blamed her. Hermione tried to calm him down, but by the end both of them came out angry. Hermione didn't show it often but she also blamed Blaise. The majority of the order thought Blaise had something to do with his betrayal and the only two who didn't were Remus and Tonks. But it didn't matter, Tonks and Remus rarely visited and couldn't be considered as friends. Blaise was alone. For nearly eight months she was alone in her home and Harry kept making everyday harder for her, even if he wasn't there.

As the months went by she realised that she was pregnant with Harry's child, barely anyone knew about it. No one other than Tonks and Remus did… and she wanted it to remain that way… but knew that once the baby was born, their would be no way to hide it. She tried not to think about it, especially the father, who he was and who he had become, but somethings couldn't be avoided.

Every time she remembered, she tried to think of the good times, when Harry would pronounce is love to her and kiss her like he loved her, slow and sweet. But every time it didn't work and every time she would think of his betrayal and every time she would cry for everything she lost.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Blaise wiped any remaining tears away from her eyes, she stared up at the roof trying to hold back new ones. She heard a knock on the door and quickly blinked away any coming tears, then opened the door. Remus Lupin stood before her a bit beat up and bloodstained.

"Remus!" She said and helped him inside. "Are you alright?"

He nodded gingerly. "Blaise, the order is fighting him. It's the battle."

Blaise's eyes widened at this. Everyone on any side had been waiting for it to happen, everyone knew it was coming the only question was when. "Why are you here?"

He closed his eyes seeming to try and hold back a cry of pain. "We need your help. The battle is a mess, we're losing. I didn't want to ask with you being"- He inclined his head towards her stomach.

Blaise nodded. "I'll come." She cast a quick glamour charm hiding her large stomach from the human eye.

She and Remus left the house quickly making their way towards the battle field. All the way Blaise looked at the world around her and thinking about how this could be her last day of life, how she might not make it to tomorrow, the thought scared her… but Blaise knew she was ready.

They rushed to the scene of the battle. Blaise's head ached as she saw it all, everything happening in a total chaos. Nothing could change the out come of the battle, she knew that.

"We need to help them, Blaise."

Blaise turned to see her old Professor. "I know." They both rushed into the battle unsure if they would live, or die.

"Stay by me!" Lupin yelled to Blaise "We'll have a better chance if we stick together rather than separating."

Blaise nodded and followed him, they rushed to where a large group of death eaters was cornering Dean Thomas, Seamus Finnegan and Denis Creevey. "Stupefy!" Lupin yelled.

Blaise pointed her wand at a tree nearby. "Diffindo." It fell on top of a number of death eaters, of course, killing them. She wasn't sure if it counted as dark magic or not, but she knew what she had to do, and right now… that's all that mattered.

"Avada Kadevra!" One of the death eaters yelled, the voice sounding similar to Blaise. The jet of green hit Denis before he had a chance to dodge it. Blaise stared at the body of the boy. He had been so young. Barely out of school, and he was already dead.

She turned her gaze from his limp form to the killer, her eyes narrowed as she raised her wand. Prepared to strike him, she remembered the voice and her wand fell to the ground. She couldn't. Tears welled in her eyes.

The death eater didn't attack, he didn't show any signs of hurting her, and he left. Blaise watched him walk away and the memories spun in her mind all over again.

"Blaise!" Hermione yelled out to her. "We need you to help on the other side of the battle, they're squishing us like bugs."

Blaise nodded, picked up her wand and rushed to the other side of the battle, her eyes darting all over the blood covered land. "There's another one!" A death eater cried out. Blaise's eyes widened as she saw the group of twenty coming towards her.

She pointed her wand at a large boulder. "Wingardium Leviosa." She lifted it until it was over the death eaters and dropped it. This killed a few more until it was about sixteen to one. She ran for the other side of the battle hoping to find help. Hermione had just come then with Seamus, Dean, Neville, Hagrid, Cho and McGonagall.

They each raced to attack the remaining sixteen. Hermione gave Blaise a warning look. Blaise was sure that if they had time Hermione would have lectured her on killing. She shook her head and looked around to see if there was anything else. She saw that Ron was on the ground, no doubt crucified, and being attacked by Bellatrix. Blaise rushed to help Ron, despite the fact that he probably didn't want any help from her.

"Stupefy!" Blasie yelled, but Bellatrix blocked it before it could hit her.

"Well if it isn't Blaise Zabini. I'd really hoped you would have been dead by now." Bellatrix sighed and waved her wand.

Blaise tried to get out of the way, but it was too late. The spell collided with her causing her to experience pain shooting through her. It cut her all over, pain coursed through her and she knew, that this was it. She wasn't going to make it to tomorrow. She fell to the ground, not knowing whether Ron would meet the same fate as her or not. Her only hope right now being that her child would make it, somehow…

She laid there dying slowly for a long while, No one noticed her until the battle was done.

"Blaise."

She opened her eyes slowly, it was Harry. It was her Harry.

"I'm going to die." Blaise whispered.

Harry shook his head. "No, I won't let that happen." He blinked back tears. "I'll keep you safe."

She smiled "Harry…"

He grasped her hand. "I'm here."

"I'm sorry."

He placed a hand on her cheek. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She smiled, "You need to know, that I love you."

"You're not going to die."

"Tell me you love me. Then kiss me like you use to, please?"

He smiled softly, tears staining his cheeks. "Always." He pulled up so that she was leaning against his chest wrapped in his embrace. "I love you Blaise, I'll always love." And he kissed her, he kissed her like he use to when things were much easier. And when they parted she fell unconscious, and he knew she would die soon.

"Potter," A death eater, Tanner Elmwood a former healer, began "This may not be the best time to talk, but it would seem that Zabini is pregnant. I would assume it to be your child."

Harry's eyes widened. "What?"

"Yes. She concealed it with a glamour charm, keeping everyone in the dark. The baby would be born anytime now. Zabini is a lost cause, but we could save the child if we hurry." The Elmwood said.

Harry nodded. "Save the baby."


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Harry stared down at the pictures covering Blaise's floor. He supposed she'd been looking at them before the battle. It was him and her. He remembered feeling so happy, when she had been his life. She'd been everything to him, and then she left.

He had made such a stupid choice. Joining Voldemort, what reason had he told her? He had forgotten an excuse. Maybe he had been sick of having the world depend on him, maybe he had just felt like it… maybe he truly was evil.

He stared down at one picture it was Blaise and him smiling by a tree, not just any tree, their tree. He remembered craving their initials together in a heart, he remembered loving her more than anything in the world, he still did. He always had, always would.

He remembered being with her, doing everything the pictures showed and soon he could tell that things had changed between them, the pictures changed from happiness to a lie.

Harry looked down at the baby in his arms, his baby. The child was beautiful and Harry knew from the moment he saw the child that he could never take care of it. The boy looked very similar to himself, but had a few of his mothers features; but mainly only his eyes. Hermione and Ron would be here soon, he'd sent a letter telling them to take care of the child... he hoped that they would come, but either way he needed to leave.

He sighed. His life had gotten so tangled up that nothing could untie it, the world was worse now then it ever was before. Soon it would be a mess of strings and nothing would be normal. He didn't want to see it, he didn't want to be tangled up in it… He was done being Harry Potter. He was done being the savior to the world and he was done being the betraying git.

He placed his son on the couch and kissed his forehead. "I love you, Dustin." He smiled and placed a letter with the baby. It was almost strange for him to leave his son, but he needed to. "I'm sorry I couldn't raise you. But they will take care of you." He spotted Hermione and Ron coming to the door, he was a bit realized to see that the came, he then and appartated away.

That's when he died. That's when Harry James Potter, savior to the wizarding world and betrayer of it, died. And with only one witness to young to ever remember it.

**The End**

**A/N:** Finally done! I've had all of the chapters done for awhile. But I've been perfecting them, now that I'm finished I'm not sure that I really like it that much, ah well. All done now. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, and thanks for reading to everyone.


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